Pet ideas

I’d love to know what particular hallucinogenics these designers are munching on. How else would you think up stuff like bird cage bags? Pets as portable trophies? Burrowing knitwear? Playboy mansion cage for Harold the Horny Hamster?!On another note, cats and dogs are boring. Why don’t petshops sell weasels and ferrets? There’s a thrush (the bird) living in our garden that seems to have fallen out of the nest and landed on its head at an early age. For some reason it has taken to attacking my car’s mirrors on a daily basis, which I don’t mind as it can’t do much damage, but somehow it manages to unload at least twice its body weight in bright white diarrhea down the side of my black car. This stuff is like glue, impossible to rinse off, so you can imagine how happy I am to start my day by seeing what little presents my feathered friend has left for me.Now I’ve been contemplating finding a pellet gun and taking the little bastard out, but that’s a bit cruel and I might hit my car. Instead, I’m going to buy a ferret, train it up to be a vicious assassin, and leave it leashed to my car. Once the bird’s taken care of, my ferret will double as an anti-hijack device. Hijackers expect people to whip out a gun or pepper spray, so they’re prepared for that, but a flying ball of furry pain with fangs bared will take them by surprise…. Hmmmm, Vaughn’s Assassin Ferrets: Guaranteed to tear the face off potential attackers in three seconds or your money back. Any investors?We do have a cat that should be ideal for this task, but unfortunately her idea of hunting birds involves making a noise like “Kek Kek Kek” while the birds stare at her in confusion and then she promptly falls asleep. Not very effective, although I haven’t tried sprinkling bird seed on her after she’s fallen asleep to lure the critters in for the kill.

2005.07.27