Best Terry Pratchett quotes

  • Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
  • In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.
  • In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
  • It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It’s called living.
  • It’s not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewere, would much rather you weren’t doing.
  • Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.
  • Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
  • Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.
  • Sooner or later we’re all someone’s dog.
  • The intelligence of the creature known as a crowd, is the square root of the number of people in it.
  • The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.
  • The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
  • The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
  • They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it’s not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.
  • Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
  • I’ll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there’s evidence of any thinking going on inside it..
  • That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and Americans. A European says: “I can’t understand this, what’s wrong with me?” An American says: “I can’t understand this, what’s wrong with him?”
  • God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won’t tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
  • For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
  • Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate…
  • Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street- cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact.
  • What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: “Why is it so dark in here?”
  • Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn’t believing. It’s where belief stops, because it isn’t needed any more.
  • “I meant,” said Ipslore bitterly, “what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?”
    Death thought about it.
    “Cats,” he said eventually. “Cats are nice.”
  • There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What’s up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don’t think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
2008.07.01